Nothing special. Really.
Music ::::::::::
gouge away.
Every day my vision of myself gets worse, worse, and even worse. I don’t even know how to write this; before I was barely capable of verbalizing how I really feel, now I can hardly even put it in to text which is a shame…I used to be able to write pages but now it all seems so pointless, I suppose. Typically I go through phases of being anti-social, and I swing out of them beautifully and everything changes..But this past year has just steadily decayed…Everything. I don’t like my house anymore. I don’t like seeing my friends anymore. I feel worthless, useless, and like he will finally see that I’m just a sham. A self loathing, agoraphobic, boring joke. This thought only perpetuates my stress with school, money, friends stabbing me in the back…If I could liken myself to anything right now it would be the crumpled up foil from a pack of cigarettes thrown in the street. Maybe I am pathetic, I don’t even know anymore.
I used to so strongly feel like the only thing that mattered was your own perception of life, you could shape things however you wanted to. It is an amazing concept and when I really believed in it it seemed to work wonders…But when you’re depressed it devours your life whole. I feel inhuman.
That’s it.
